I think this post will be more helpful for me than anyone, but if it can help someone else and cause them to give glory Jesus, then all the better!
Twenty nineteen was the year the enemy tried to find new ways to take me captive, to intimidate me into silence, to distract me, to confuse me, to put crippling weight and pressure on me, to make me question my worth in the Lord, and to disqualify me from my destiny. Key words: he tried. Through what the enemy was doing, the Lord taught me some really tough lessons on discernment, identity, and how our free will interacts with His sovereignty. I am so thankful that He does not leave us as orphans, and He is never intimidated or moved by the size of the battle. Instead of removing us from it, He shows us that in Him, we are more than conquerors and fully equipped for war. The fire that is meant to devour us only makes us more radiant! These trials caused me to trust Him more, which caused the gifts of the Spirit to increase exponentially in me, and in ways that I would have only dreamed of years ago. At the start of 2020, I am seeing Him more rightly than I did before, and the more I see Him, the more I love Him. I hope these lessons, and whatever else I decide to delve into, will cause you to adore Him all the more.
1. Discern Christians by Their FRUIT, Not Their Spiritual Gifts
In Charismatic circles, it can be easier to affirm those that merely demonstrate the gifts of the Spirit--be it prophecy, tongues, word of knowledge, workings of miracles, etc., but did you know these aren't marks of a true believer? While it's true that "the gifts and callings of God come without repentance" (Romans 11:29), Jesus says, rather, we should discern if the character of God is in that person. This is one that produces the fruit of the Spirit, and Paul tells us that these fruits are "love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control" (Galatians 5:22-23, read also Matthew 7:15-20).
I've noticed that I have brothers and sisters that can give accurate prophetic words, can tell strangers secret things in their heart, can see people physically healed in an instant after laying hands on them and praying, they get incredible dreams and heavenly visions, and they can pray in tongues, but they still have not learned how to love. Paul saw this among the Corinthian church and reminded them that "Though I speak with the tongues of men and angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to the poor, and though I give my body to be burned but have not love, it profits me nothing." (1 Corinthians 13:1-14). Paul, the one who said he spoke in tongues more than anyone (1 Corinthians 14:18), and whose sweat rags healed sick and demon possessed people (Acts 19:11-12) said that these gifts carry no weight if He doesn't first uphold Christ's commandment to love Him and love people. A gift will impress people, but love will transform people and cause them to repent (Romans 2:4).
2. That Voice You Hear Degrading You, Might Not Be You
I have always been pretty hard on myself--tending to measure myself by my own scales, and I have not set them fairly. The way I've set them, I always come up short despite my best efforts. Turns out it's hard to live up to imaginary standards that the Lord never set for me! In 2019, the Lord began exposing this voice I had been listening to that was neither mine nor His, yet I've been blindly enslaved to it for years.
Someone I knew that struggled with feeling condemned and not measuring up had tried to put weight on me that the Lord never put on me by drawing me under his convictions. He was telling me what was right and wrong in his eyes, even though the Lord never convicted me of these things and His word didn't have a say on it. Suddenly, I began feeling spiritually tangled--like tentacles wrapping around me, and an unbearable weight on my shoulders. When the conversation ended, that's when I heard this spirit clearly, now for the second time in my life. It wasn't audible, but I clearly heard "See? You're not good enough. You don't measure up." I cried so hard out of pure frustration. I hate this voice. It continued to bombard me with lies and twisted logic, and it told me something along the lines of "You're worthless," along with other degrading labels. Then, I heard the Lord's voice more clearly than I ever heard it before. It sounded like a roar saying "NO YOU ARE NOT." My tears of frustration became tears of thankfulness. He defended me against the accuser, and I knew better in that moment that the blood of His covenant with me will always speak--even shout--a better word over me than what the enemy is whispering. His voice brings freedom every time, even in His rebuke or discipline. His yoke is easy, and His burden is light (Matthew 11:30).
3. I Am Who He Says I Am, and I'm Not Apologizing For It
On that note, I'm learning to receive His love in a greater capacity, even if I struggle to believe that He's actually THIS good. His love is a direct assault to the carnal mind. It bypasses the mind that wants to comprehend it logically, because there is nothing logical about it. We hinder His love when we're busy trying to comprehend it instead of just accepting it. I've learned that when He speaks to me about who I am in Him, it's better to just say "Thank you Lord, I receive!" instead of "How can this be?"
Earlier in 2019, the Holy Spirit convicted me about not believing Him, or those who He sends, about what He's saying about me. He actually broke my heart over it. I was sitting in church during worship, and all the sudden, He hits me with the question "When are you going to believe the things I say about you?" I lost my breath. He continued "You think that receiving these words will produce the fruit of pride in your life, but if you let them take root, they'll produce the fruit of freedom in your life." And He reminded me of the verse "You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free" (John 8:32). "The truth about yourself will release you into destiny," He concluded. I was left undone--He tore me right open. This was the first time that instead of being convicted of sin, I was convicted of wrong-thinking! He was right--any compliment I ever received, any good thing the Lord said about me--I just let it fall to the ground. I never let it sink in, because I never wanted to think of myself more highly than I ought. I wouldn't dare be puffed up in pride, but I was falling into unbelief instead. So now more than ever, I'm believing what the Lord says about me, and it's pretty daring! He calls me Beautiful, Lovely, Highly-Favored, Anointed, Loved, Anointed, Saved, Creative, Funny, Intelligent, Wise, Discerning, Righteous, Radiant, Fierce, Trustworthy, and above all, He calls me His Daughter and His friend. I'm learning to live from this place.
4. Some Prophetic Words are Conditional
Before you get out the tar and feathers, this is one I'm still trying to wrap my head around, and I anticipate what else the Lord is going to show me about this one.
There was someone in my life that the Lord showed me that he could either run with me, or he can take a path he's not supposed to go down and be separated from me. This came through a series of elaborate dreams that the Lord gave me interpretation for. In one, this person was trying to convince me to go down a certain path with him, and he was convinced it was a good, noble thing to do. I knew it was not, and that it had dire consequences, so I stayed behind and let him go. As soon as he returned, I heard what sounded like a switch go off, and he could no longer see me. I became invisible to him. I tried to get his attention and reached my hand out, and it went right through his body. Then he walked through me. I asked the Lord what that path was, and He told me that it was the path of condemnation, and "condemnation means separation." I was was awestruck. It made so much biblical sense, but I still wanted to check the Greek interpretation. Surely enough, one word they use in the Bible for condemnation is krisis, which means "separating." I was appalled. Then, I had another shorter dream about this same person being able to see me again and being restored. Either reality could have been the case, and the Lord showed me both. However, every one has free will, and I witnessed that in the end, my friend chose the path the Lord would not permit me to go down, which was a path taken with a condemnation-mindset, and not the path in which one is assured of righteousness in Christ, knowing that that path is not beneficial.
Either way, no matter what path we take, I believe the Lord makes provision for the choices we make. If you are in the Lord and you make a decision in life that wasn't His best for you, I think He can still reroute you to fulfill His plans and purposes in you. Nothing is too hard for Him!
5. The Lord Knows Our Innermost Thoughts
Don't think the Lord hears you? Well, He confirmed to me earlier this year that He even knows everything you're thinking! He knows what you need before you even ask (Matthew 6:8).
To make a long story short, I was at a park one day, and saw a tree covered in butterflies, which, He knows I've always loved butterflies. I asked Him to bring a butterfly down to me, and He did! I waited for a few minutes, and a butterfly dove down toward me. I stuck my hand out, it brushed my hand, and it flew away. I was elated. Then, I went to a different park where the trees were covered in some of my favorite birds, called waxwings. I was reading a book, and had a passing thought: "He did it with a butterfly, but I don't think He would do it with a bird." The Lord heard that and took it as a challenge.
I finished my book and started heading back to my car. In my path, plopped on the ground, was one of these birds! My first thought was "Oh, it must be hurt!" I drew closer. The bird didn't flinch. It didn't even look frightened. I reached my hand out, pet it's little head, and it flew up into a tree. That's when I remembered that thought I had earlier, and my eyes got wide. "Lord, you're so cool!" He always breaks all my boxes I try to put Him in, and He does it in the coolest ways imaginable.
This year was a year of testing and purification, but it was full of so many beautiful God-moments that are too numerous to put in one post. Through these trials, He grew me in the gift of prophecy; through dreams, like He always has, and now, through visions! I've had so many powerful, convicting visions from the Lord, which I'll inevitably make separate posts about. He's also been training me to hear His voice through these dreams, visions, and every day life, and I can't wait to teach others how to know God this way. Lastly, I'm becoming more familiar and more at home in the love of God. I hope to grow in His love more than I desire anything else. I want to be refined by it, inspired by it, and to be consumed with it so that everyone I speak to and every place I go to awakens to Him.
For the Glory of God,
The Secret Girl
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