I remember my first encounter with the Lord very vividly. I was around 6 years of age, and frequently suffered from allergy issues. Sometimes, my allergies would be so severe that I couldn't breathe through my nose for days at a time. Sleeping became a burdensome task. I would toss and turn, waiting for relief, until one night, my little 6 year old self had had enough.
At the time, my theology when it came to prayer was childlike yet extremely religious. In my mind, I thought God wouldn't listen to my prayers unless it was an emergency; otherwise, He wouldn't want to be bothered. He was a very busy Man, after all, having to keep up with the prayers of millions all over the world. There were some people who had it way worse off than I did, and undoubtedly should be prioritized over my trivial issues. Plus, the only prayers I heard being prayed in church were scripted prayers, making any personal prayers a rarity. However, after suffering with allergies for several years already, I decided that this was officially an emergency. I was so desperate to be able to breathe again and be able to sleep soundly, that I did something I had never even heard of or seen before. I petitioned God for hours that night, asking Him to help me breathe through my nostrils again. I begged, and begged, and then begged some more, waiting for my nostrils to open back up. Suddenly, I heard what was like a still, small voice. It wasn't audible, but I could "hear" it in my heart. I knew it was God responding to my desperate pleas. He said "Go to sleep. I'll take care of it."
He put my heart at ease, however, now not only was I determined to be able to breathe again, but I was also determined to witness how the Lord was going to heal me. I decided to pretend I was sleeping, hoping that I'd catch Him in the act.
Eyes closed and heart racing, I felt a wind blow. It wasn't the kind of wind you might feel coming from a fan or from a window. My window was closed, and I wasn't sleeping with a fan at the time. Instead, it felt like a stream that slid right under my nose. It lasted only a moment, but it was in that moment that I felt both nostrils open up immediately. I could breathe again, and I finally went to sleep.
Little did I know that the same wind that opened my nostrils back up to help me sleep would be the same wind that would visit me in my twenties, but this time, it would be to awaken me and restore me back to life.
A Time of Crushing
Let me briefly give you some context before we delve into this dream.
Around the time I had this dream, I was still in the middle of processing deep pain and grief. The emotional and spiritual turmoil was such that I even told someone that "I feel like I'm dying." My heart was heavy. It felt someone had unraveled my soul. It felt like the fruits of the Spirit were violently shaken off of my tree. I ate the bread of affliction for many months. The only joy and peace I had left were merely memories of its existence. I was very, very tired.
Then He came.
In my distress, I called out to the Lord, and He answered me (Psalm 120:1).
The Dream
The night of March 31st, I had one of the most powerful dreams I've ever had, and it wasn't just a dream, but a sovereign act of God in my life.
In this dream, I and a couple others decided to visit this haunted house to clean all the demons out of it. This house was so haunted that the demons inhabiting it didn't even care if they were caught in plain sight. I watched in shocked as they casually roamed the house. Then, as if knocked off of my feet into a state of near unconsciousness, I somehow ended up in an empty room in the house in a daze, and with no memory of how I got there to begin with or why I was in that state. I was confused. I wanted to get up and find the people I was with, but I had no energy to get off the floor. I felt lifeless in my body and my mind. I also noticed that I could barely see. My vision was blurry. There was a thought of, "Well, I guess this is just how it's going to be. I might die here," but then someone familiar walked through the door of this room. I saw Him very dimly, but I knew it was Jesus.
He walked over to my lifeless body, picked me up by my shoulders, and held me in front of Him. My legs were dangling off of the floor. I wasn't even awake enough to support myself in any way, or to acknowledge His presence with any kind of response. Regardless, He held me steadily in front of Him, and suddenly, I felt a wind coming from Him. As if a doctor had shocked me back to life, my once limp body immediately straightened back up as I gasped loudly. This wasn't just any wind--this was the breath of God like a violent stream shooting directly through my nostrils and permeating my entire being. It felt like every cell in my body stood at attention and acknowledged that Jesus is Lord, and there was a deep knowing that this was the One that was there when the first man was created.
All of this happened so quickly and so suddenly, yet my mind was flooded with memories of His words and all His works, all the way back to Adam in the Garden of Eden. Like when people that have nearly died say that their life "flashed before their eyes," it was as if the life and history of mankind and our relationship with God as His creation was flashing through my mind.
Imagine fully formed Adam, laying in the dust of the earth He was created from. No spirit, no memories, no thoughts, no knowledge of God. Merely a body made in the likeness of God, but utterly incapable of interacting with the One who created him. Then, Genesis 2:7 says that the Lord "breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and the man became a living being."
This might sound odd, but this breath of God that came through my nostrils was as if I was the first human to ever take the first breath and become a living, breathing being that walks and talks with God. I knew that this breath I received was the same breath that was given to mankind in the beginning.
Jesus is Who He Says He is
Another verse that was flooding my thoughts was when Jesus told Mary, Martha, and all who mourned over Lazarus that He is "the Resurrection and the Life," and He even goes on to say that "He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live. And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die" (John 11:25-26). One thing that became readily apparent was that not only is He the Author of our faith, but He is the Author of Life itself. He is Life itself, and He has the power to give life or to take it. John even acknowledges that "all things were made through Him, and without Him, nothing was made that was made. In Him was life, and the life was the light of men" (John 1:3-4). I already believed this to be true, more or less in a casual sense, but once I saw Him like this, I now realized that this was overwhelmingly and exceedingly true.
Jesus Restored Our Breath
In the Old Testament, we know that God breathed into Adam and that he became a living soul; perfect and complete. Adam and Eve walked in perfect communion with God. However, we know what happened not long after. Because of sin, mankind broke the line of communion and relationship with God. God warned them that if they disobeyed his instructions, they would surely die (Genesis 2:17). We know they didn't die a physical death, but they died spiritually. From that point forward, God's Spirit would only rest on certain people for certain purposes. We also know that in scripture, the Spirit is sometimes represented by wind, or the very breath of God, so when Adam and Eve sinned and disconnected themselves from God, they lost His Spirit, and subsequently the breath that brought them to life, and if you don't have breath, then you don't have life. This is how Adam and Eve "died."
In the New Testament, Jesus, the Lamb slain before the foundations of the world (Revelations 13:8), wouldn't have completed all that the Father sent Him to do had He not brought back the breath that we lost in the beginning. When do we see Him doing this? We need look no further than John 20, after He left His tomb and went to go visit His disciples, who were fearful and feeling discouraged after Jesus was crucified and buried, and it almost seemed as if there was no hope.
Then, He came. The disciples were astonished and filled with great joy at the sight of Him. While they were still astonished, Jesus says and does something profound. He tells them "Peace to you; as the Father has sent Me, I also send you [as My representatives].” And when He said this, He breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit" (John 20:21-22).
The breath that we lost in the Garden, He restored to us after becoming the perfect sacrifice and reconciling to the Father as many as would repent and believe on His name. Just as this breath completed man in the beginning, Jesus breathes on us with His Spirit and makes us as complete as man was in the Garden when He was walking and talking with them before sin first entered the world. This has always been His desire:
To redeem.
To reconcile
To restore.
To resurrect.
To bring a whole creation back from the dead by conquering death in His own body for us all.
Conclusion
If you get anything from this post, I hope it's a deep conviction and godly fear that Jesus really is the Way, the Truth, and the Life (John 14:16). There is no such thing as real life outside of knowing Him personally, and to miss out on knowing Him is to miss out on life itself. It's nothing like this world has to offer. The world cannot offer what it does not possess. But Jesus possesses everything that the Father has, and the Spirit takes from what Jesus possesses, and declares it to us (John 16:14), and we know they have an infinite number of resources to draw from. He is the well that never runs dry or grows stagnant. While the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy, Jesus offers life, and life in abundance (John 10:10). Who better to accept life from than the One who Authors it!
If you're a believer and are feeling weary, heavy laden, and unable to take another step, I pray that the Lord breathes His life back into you so you can run with Him again with boldness and great joy. Be filled with His Spirit, in Jesus name!
The Secret Girl
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